Why Are You So Surprised?!

I find it very amusing when somebody is shocked about anything with an outcome that should be expected. I know I've done it before, but more so about the extreme that presents itself throughout the situation. I will touch on that detail soon enough. It almost feels as though the phrases, "I can't believe it," and, "that's unbelievable," have lost their meaning. No longer is everything so bewildering and awe-inspiring as some people may claim. It's so watered-down at this point, it might as well be Evian (which is 'naive' spelled backwards...how appropriate). I've got a few examples, so settle in people...you may get called out on this one.

You're shocked that I even suggested that, aren't you?

The first example I have for you today is one I was guilty of today, actually. I'll apologize to my readers in advance: I'm sorry. Okay, good...that's out of the way. Not a whole lot of us work in an ideal environment. Everyone's idea of what makes it ideal will obviously differ from person to person; I get that. Most people will agree that the one they're in is certainly not it. I know mine is closer to the other end of the spectrum. Don't get me wrong...the benefits are great, stock options, a set schedule...things that many people take for granted. It's the physical environment I could do without. Many of my coworkers will agree with me without hesitation. So when something detrimental to your workday happens, the natural reaction is to exclaim how unbelievable it is. Is it really, though? Let me break this down a bit. My work consists of having a firm grasp of maintaining inventory levels, being able to find the items/tools needed to complete a task, and being able to successfully eliminate any small or major roadblocks, which is including but not limited to manufacturer's error, shipping problems, people misplacing crucial 'puzzle pieces', mechanical/electrical/computer issues, and several other man-made mini-disasters that manage to come along. These are frequent situations at my job, and I know that all of retail faces similar tribulations, yet somehow we resort to the thought that we can't believe that Problem A, B or C just happened. Today's instance was that a double-shipment of merchandise was received, yet the displays for said product were not. This is such a common occurrence that sometimes we joke about predictions of company failure. Even when we make said predictions, and it happens, we act completely befuddled. As I said, I immediately said how unbelievable it was when I figured out the displays were missing. With God (and my supervisor) as my witness, I quickly recanted my amazement and said that it actually makes sense. By now, we should all know better about what can (and will) go wrong at work, so let's stop acting so startled when it does. If I am going to actively try, you should too (again, my blog...my rules).

Now if only this pack of goons would have shipped the correct materials to me,

I wouldn't have gotten so frustrated. Stop smiling, people...you failed horribly.

For those who know me well, or for those who have read enough of my posts, you know I am quite a big fan of sports. Football, baseball, hockey, curling, full-contact chess...you name it, I'm all about it. I've even covered each team to which my loyalty lies, so there's no denying it now. There's one thing that most sports fans seem to forget, though. Your favorite teams, or just the players in general, are not perfect. Their mega-multi-million-dollar salaries might suggest otherwise, but it's true. Every so often an outfielder is going to drop a fly ball, a batter will strike out three times in a row, your wide receiver is going to drop a perfect pass...just something that will cause you to erupt in disbelief. Situations like these could result in your team losing the game. Surely, your team could never let their opponent take the victory. That's just preposterous! Actually...it's not. You know why? They're human...just like you and I (well definitely me, some of you I'm not so sure about...). They will make mistakes and cause their fans to raise hell in the comfort of their own home, cursing the athletes' names and making hollow threats to swear them off for being unworthy of their cheers. I don't find myself getting too worked up because worse can happen, and in some cases, they already have. For example:

• Let's say the Yankees go into the ninth inning with a three run lead. They manage to piss the game away before getting the third out to seal it. Am I going to be annoyed? Sure. If you go back in baseball history, you'll find that the largest ninth inning comeback in history happened twice. The eventual winner was down by 8 runs going into the final frame. In both occasions, those teams had two outs before they even had a runner on base; they scored all nine of the necessary runs with two outs to win the game. Suddenly giving up a three run lead doesn't seem so bad.
• I'd hate to watch the Eagles up by two touchdowns, followed by them allowing their opponent to climb back into it to win the game. Try being down by 32 points and coming back to win. The 49ers did it. So did the Bills...in the playoffs, no less. Think about that: you would need at least four touchdowns to even approach that deficit. That's frightening considering that those teams had enough time to allow that many points in the first place. Then to come back while time is continuing to count against them? Yea, again...I'll be mad, but worse has happened. Ask the Oilers and the Saints.

When your team doesn't perform to your already impossible standards, don't freak out because you can't believe it. I'm not telling you to refrain from getting mad, because that's crazy-talk. You have every right to be mad...as you sit on the couch in the comfort of your own home...where your screams of displeasure can not be heard by your team...where you just soiled the rug with your spilled beer and salsa...because you do not possess the talent that any of the men on your t.v. screen have to be on that field...yea, tell them how you really feel. Want to know when you should be surprised? When one of them hears your loud, open criticism and comes at you in a fit of rage to physically shut you up. That's when. Until then, just be mad.

I'm not sure I include soccer hooligans in this one. Their bitterness is genetic.

I know I wouldn't mess with this kid. You feeling brave? I dare you to.

Finally, online dating is an incredible phenomenon if you really mull it over (not 'mullet' over...it's two separate words, not just a continuously mocked hairstyle). EHarmony, Match, PlentyOfFish...they're possibly the most viable options in the dating world nowadays, which is ironic considering that one of peoples' biggest fears about the internet not too long ago (and some understandably still fear it) is meeting a stranger that you simply met online. There are systems in place to weed out those who present themselves as being a danger to others, although some are too crafty and motivated to let that stop them. That's where I come in........I'm just kidding!!

Oh don't leave...come back!! So sensitive...

Anyway, as I described, not all of these so-called systems are foolproof. Here's a big reason why: I'm 6'2". No, my height is not the reason why. My actual height is 5'10". The big reason is how simple it is to lie on the internet. Hell, some of you people still don't know if I'm telling the truth or not. I could be 4'10". That's right, I'm the world's tallest midget! Some people will actually believe that. So when somebody is describing some terrible experience they had on a date with someone they met on one of these sites, why do they seem so traumatized? As I described in a previous post, I have encountered a crazy or two in my search, but I made certain that I had a story to tell afterward. I didn't go home and express my dismay to anyone who would listen. I filed it into my 'Storytime' folder in my brain's hard drive, and that's where it'll stay until my psychological computer crashes. Back to the issue at hand. When you go on dates after meeting on one of these sites, just keep some level of doubt within your grasp. Why bring that bit of negativity into the date? That's easy: those people that are all signed up, registered and contacting you...they're the same people you interact with in your everyday life. When you go to the bar or the club to meet someone, there's a great probability that not only are they on one of these websites, but also that they are just as creepy meeting them there as they are after meeting them online. It's just that the web gives them an opportunity to put on a front. So don't be surprised when you're chatting it up with some smooth talker, and when you end up meeting him/her, they're borderline certifiable. That's just the way it is. Don't tell me you can't believe it, because you should have had your guard up from the beginning. If you've never experienced that, and you're the one never getting calls back, you may want to consider dialing down your creeper meter a little bit yourself. Just a thought.

So that's what women mean when they say they don't like to play games...

It all makes sense now! She dug her own grave on this one, honestly.

I encourage you to be bitter, upset, annoyed...whatever...when things don't go perfectly to plan. Just don't be surprised. Open your eyes, I assure you that you can see it coming. If you can't, it must suck to be blind. Especially since you can't read my blogs in braille. Too far...?

I didn't think so.

D.