Johnny Mullet's Apple Cake

I had plenty of time to kill, and some unexpected motivation to bake yesterday. Yea, that's right...I'm good in the kitchen. Perhaps it's my inner fat kid that makes that possible, but that's a moot point. I was scouring for some recipes that I had the ingredients for, and wasn't finding much. Then I found two ideas that were derived from two separate recipes, and I may have stumbled upon an autumn dessert masterpiece. As the title suggests, I'm associating my new found nickname with it. Ready? I don't think you are...

I should have this apron, merely as a scare tactic.

Johnny Mullet's Apple Cake

Cake
2 cups of flour (* if self-rising, you won't need baking soda/powder)
2 cups white sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda*
3 eggs
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 apple, peeled/cored/chopped
1/4 cup of love

Topping
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup milk
2 apples, peeled/cored/pureed
1 cup confectioners sugar
1/4 cup flour
3 unicorn tears

Preheat oven to 350º.

Mix flour, sugar, baking soda*, eggs and vegetable oil in large mixing bowl. When mixed well, stir in the chopped apple. Pour into greased 9x13 pan, then put into oven for 40 minutes or until it tests done.

While cake is in oven, blend vegetable oil, apples and milk together into a smooth puree. Pour into a medium saucepan. Gradually add confectioners sugar and flour and mix well. Place on stove at low to medium heat, stirring occasionally. When mixture reaches frosting/peanut butter consistency, remove from heat. Continue stirring occasionally to prevent solidifying.

When cake is done and out of the oven, apply your topping evenly on the cake. (If desired, sprinkle cinnamon sugar lightly over topping.) Chill in refrigerator for an hour or more and then it's ready to enjoy.

Johnny Mullet's Apple Cake

Options for inclusion:

• Love may not always be available. Refrain from adding hate in love's absence; that would usually leave finished product with a bitter taste in your mouth...how profound.
• Unicorn tears increase sugar content tenfold. For those with a true sweet tooth, by all means...go for it.
• Apples - I used granny smith. I think they are better in baked goods. That's up to your preference, though. I also didn't peel them. I was lazy. It gave it a texture that I honestly don't mind and a color that looks inedible. Still delicious. That's your call.
• Milk - I used vanilla almond milk. For those lactose intolerant, you will appreciate that. I'm not, I just like the taste of it. Deal with it.

The missing piece in the picture is evidence that I tried it, didn't die and that I like it, so I dare you to try it out. The worst case scenario is you don't like it. You should have an idea of that based on the ingredients before you even make it, so once the attempt is made, it's no longer my fault.

Yea, you heard me. Your fault, not mine. Otherwise, enjoy!

D.