Holidaze

Pun very much intended. You don't get it? Well it's like 'holidays', except it's in a 'daze'. How ironic that what I'm explaining to you includes the concept of confusion. Mind officially blown (yours, of course). I'm doing this in honor of today's federal holiday known as Labor Day. Holidays are appropriately days of remembrance, and usually a cause for celebration. Either they represent a historically significant birth, an important date in our nation's history or it's just some crap made up and exploited by greeting card companies and many other fine retailers. Some of them caused me to stop and think twice about the reason we honor that particular day of the year. I came up with a few interesting views on these days, and I'd like to share them with you.

Not that kind of labor. Well...maybe it could be.

Let's start with Labor Day, since we just happen to be in the midst of it. This day is always on the first Monday of September each year. It is meant to glorify the achievements and overall effort of workers socially and economically in any industry. It became a federal holiday in 1894, and it's September date was originally established by the Labor Union in New York (you can thank me later). What could be confusing about a day like this? Well nearly everybody with a Monday to Friday Job knows that they have this day off every year. Wouldn't you say that's a contradiction in terms? Obviously, it's not like they're going to call it 'Don't Go To Work Day', or 'Lack-Of-Labor Day', or even 'Stay Home, Sit On Your Lazy Ass And Do Nothing At All, Maybe Have The Year's Last Barbecue And Drinking Heavily While Dreading Returning To Work The Next Morning Day'. That one would have to be reduced to the acronym 'SHSOYLAADNAAMHTYLBADHWDRTWTNM Day', either one of them clearly having a splendid ring to them. I guess the Labor Unions don't agree with me, but what do they know? The idea that Labor Day is not supposed to be a day of labor, but rather a day honoring labor, is what doesn't register to some people. Then again, there are those that don't have consistent Monday through Friday work weeks, and are forced to punch in on that day. Doesn't that sound a little more logical? No? You're not a logical thinker? I know just the place for you to apply. I hope you like the color orange.

That's what I'm talking about. 

Good ol' SHSOYLAADNAAMHTYLBADHWDRTWTNM Day.

What about St. Patrick's Day? On March 17th, everybody (and I mean everybody) is suddenly Irish and all inhibitions are left at home. The tradition is that your attire must be at least 57% green (statistical fact...not really), you are to be force-fed corned beef and cabbage (whether you like it or not...with a little mustard, it's fantastic), and you are to imbibe any beer or liquor that is Irish or even has an Irish name merely out of coincidence. Why such an emphasis on drinking? Interestingly enough, this day signifies the day Lenten restrictions are rescinded on drinking alcohol and eating. It was the Christian way of saying, "Let's go get wasted!!" That part of it makes perfect sense. Here's where it gets tricky: March 17th was not St. Patrick's birthday. He died on March 17th. The story has it that he was kidnapped as a teenager, brought to Ireland and enslaved there. After six years, he managed to escape and return home, and from there he was a bishop/missionary whose legend is something to read for yourself. First peculiarity: he was Italian by heritage. His parents were Romans that happened to be living in modern-day Scotland, yet we all attribute the day to the Irish, who just happened to enslave the man. Weird, but seeing that I have Italian and Irish blood in me, I feel I have two reasons to celebrate. That brings on the second one: why are we all celebrating on the day of his death? Shouldn't we be celebrating his life by honoring the day he was given life, his birthday? I guess that's made rather difficult when it's not known when his precise date of birth was. This is not common knowledge, so I imagine the general assumption is that he was born that day. Perhaps the next time March 17th comes around (it usually falls right after March 16th and shortly before March 18th, so mark your calendars...wait, they're already marked...nevermind), we should all toast to the memory of a saint.

This is not St. Patrick. He was slightly taller. Oh, and not an animated character.

In the interest of presenting holiday oddities, it's hard to ignore the reality of Christmas. I may be stepping on the toes of many a Christian here, but do you know what I say to them? Keep your feet out of my path. I have big feet, so it tends to happen. Anyway, Christmas is by far one of the most recognized holidays world-wide, only surpassed by New Years Day (because it isn't limited by race, religion or region) and of course my birthday. There's no doubt as to the reason we celebrate Christmas: gifts! I'd say 'just kidding', but the sad reality is nowadays that's more believable. This date is acknowledged as the day Jesus Christ was born. Christians everywhere believe this to be the day their Lord and Savior was brought into this world. I would not dare to debate whether he was born or not, given there is plenty of historical proof of a man named Jesus. The real question is how accurate is the date we accept to be the day he was born? Here's something to read over. On top of the arguments presented in the link, there are several possibilities brought to the table by astronomers and scientific historians that claim the bright star in the sky could have been the North Star shining at it's peak level, or even the likelihood the wise men were witness to a distant supernova, neither of which can be traced back to a date of December 25th. Because it was not documented by the licensed notary that did have a room at the inn that night, we'll never be certain if that date is accurate. Way to go, guy. You screwed it up for everyone.

Luckily for the wise men, 'The Star of Bethlehem' helped prevent them from plummeting off this cliff. If that happened, they wouldn't have been remembered as wise. True story.

All joking aside, take the time to understand the reason you celebrate each holiday. It may surprise you, or at the very least affirm what you already knew. I dare not compare myself to Jesus in any way, but feel free to engage in gift-giving any day of the year for the celebration of my birth. Just sayin'...cash and gift cards are acceptable, too.

D.