I repeat...I know I'm not the best driver on earth.
With that out on the table, I will gladly and honestly say that I am much further from being the worst driver on earth. The scary thing is, by process of elimination (which would be statistically overwhelming), there is a worst driver in the world. Even scarier...he/she has to drive to work in the morning. I can't be for certain whether I've seen this driver on the same road as me or not, but I've seen a few contenders. There are some general tendencies that I've noticed of others nearly every time that I am driving anywhere. Things they do that they shouldn't, and things they don't do that they should. Hopefully, my readers are among the ones that drive safely an overwhelming majority of the time. If so, you'll know what I'm talking about because you've seen it yourself. If not, you'll know what I'm talking about because you've done it yourself. So let's get started...
I'll begin with the easiest and arguably the most frequent of these habits. Using your turn signals when changing lanes or turning. It's tougher to tell whether the person is actually looking in their mirrors or over their shoulder when they're about to cross over, so we're not even going to worry about that fact (well...just not right now; please worry about that on the road). Here are a couple of reasons why you should use these signals:
- It's illegal if you don't. That should be reason enough. Who the hell wants a citation for not doing something as simple as gently pushing a small lever with one finger? Not this guy.
- It's a general courtesy to the drivers around you so they know you're coming or going. This is an alert to others, a little blinking light saying, "Hey everybody...I'm planning on vacating my current position. This is my way of telling you to keep a safe distance from my vehicle so we don't need to go through insurance after we collide, give conflicting stories to the police, begin cursing nonstop, then go home and drink or cry...or both. So please...get the hell out of my way and let me go where I need to go!" Of course I'm just paraphrasing.
For the stupid...it's right f'n there!!
Next, we'll discuss peeopllle thaaat drrriiiiivve toooo ssslllllooooooowww.... You see what I did there? I made those words longer for emphasis, so you read it very...that's right, slowly. I know, I'm such a clever guy. Let's be honest...the speed limit is more of a guideline than it is an actual limit nowadays. It's pretty much a given that if you're not driving at least the speed limit, you're going too slow. I don't always agree with that, but it's tough to argue. So when I'm driving in the left lane, aptly named the 'fast lane', I really don't want to pump my breaks because some buffoon decided he/she wants to clog it up with the lemon they're in. Some people want to get home in a reasonable amount of time. Just because you don't doesn't give you the right to hold anyone else back. So here's some advice...use your right turn signal (you like how I tied that in, right?), look over your right shoulder, and when it is safe to move into the next lane, do so immediately. Otherwise, the gas pedal is the one on the right. Use it. If neither of these options work for you, here's one last idea...stay home!!
...or stay home.
Then there are those who drive way too fast. As I have covered, the speed limit is unreliable. This does not give anyone the right to abuse the privilege of going above the posted limit. The fact is that we (and by we, I mean every driver on the road) are being allowed to 'break the law' a little. Don't try and be a rebel and take advantage of that by driving like a maniac. There's no reason to leap-frogging people and weaving in and out of traffic when they're already exceeding the limit. You're just being an impatient, arrogant prick and you're risking more than just your own life with your reckless actions. Slow down a little, just to put us all more at ease. That, and it'll give you a better view of our middle fingers.
Even Mickey Rourke thinks you're being a douche.
Finally, there is a more broad issue to cover that pretty much encompasses all of driving. Ready? PAY ATTENTION!! Have a better idea of what's going on around you. You are in a very heavy, very powerful vehicle that can cause a lot of damage. Understand that every time you open the door and sit in that seat behind the steering wheel. Everyone's safety, including your own, depends on it. Be aware of how fast you are going, how fast others are going, what lane you are in, when you need to make your turn and have an idea of where your destination is. With all of that in mind, here are some other things that will help. Get off of your damn phone. Unless it is a dire emergency, your call can wait until you get where you're going, I assure you. That includes texting. I can't believe how many people still do it. It can wait. Your anxious thumbs can cost you a lot of money in damages, fines and in more extreme cases, lives and your time in jail. Just stop. Also, the food, makeup and whatever else is stealing your focus, put it down. Take bites at red lights (That rhyme should be a new slogan. Be impressed).
I may have to revisit the aggravations on the road, because I can think of a ton more. These are the ones that stuck out for today. I promise to make the conscious effort in order to go from A to B safely, so please do the same for yourself and everyone else. I beg you.
D.
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