Amish Hate Crimes

That title is not a joke. Please tell me you've heard about this. Several members of an Amish sect are now on trial for committing hate crimes against other Amish men. What possible hate crime could an Amish person commit? Before I even say what it is, I want to preface that the event itself that took place is not exactly funny to me. Believe it or not, I respect other peoples' cultures enough to know that this is to be taken rather seriously. Now that I've cleared the air there, what they are on trial for is cutting the beards off of other men. That's right, cutting their beards off is considered a hate crime.

Now, for the sake of the integrity of my humorous side, I need to bring up what is funny about this whole thing. The ringleader of this sect has presented us with comedy gold. Platinum, actually. Aside from the idea of this man getting his ass kicked, which would be funny and well-deserved, he made me laugh for a different reason. His name. Samuel Mullet, Sr. Mullet. A guy with the last name Mullet, a hairstyle where far too much hair is left to grow in a horrible fashion, is responsible for several men cutting hair off of other men. The irony is exquisite!  That, and the fact that he looks exactly like James Cromwell with an unkempt ZZ Top beard is almost enough for me to blow a 'funny fuse'. It gets so much better, you have no idea. Three of his sons are being charged in this case. Daniel Mullet, which is what I would call it if I actually had a mullet. "Look at that robust Daniel mullet..." Then there's Johnny Mullet, the 1980s action hero/porn star with a long flowing mane and a bad attitude. Finally, there's Lester Mullet, the poorly groomed computer dork/repeat sex offender. I can not make this stuff up. Well...their back-stories are made up (or so I hope), but seriously, who would name their kids Johnny Mullet or Lester Mullet? In fact, from now on, if you see me at work or socially, please call me Johnny Mullet. I want that as my new nickname. No one else gets to choose my nickname; it's my blog, I thought of it...deal with it.

John Stamos had a vicious mullet back then. That House wouldn't have been Full without it.

Samuel Mullet, Sr.

Cromwell's next role will be that of Samuel Mullet, Sr. in...

The Beard-Cutter

(Rated R...Opening September 21st in a theater near you.)

Alright, I'm done with the jokes (for now). As for the Amish and their beliefs, the size of their beards has very much to do with their faith and how they are judged as men. I don't grow my beard based on faith or thinking it makes me more of a man. I do it to cover up the ugly. Ok, now I'm done with the jokes. The fact is you wouldn't (or at least I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt) intentionally harm or degrade someone based on race or religion, so to hear of a group of individuals doing so is simply appalling. The issue at hand is the likelihood that this man 'brainwashed' his sons and some others into following his every command. There are already claims of him being the leader of a 'cult'. That word is normally associated with any small sect of individuals that are persuaded by one or two people of power to follow their beliefs, rules and way of life against their own best interests. Some argue that's religion as a whole, but that's a debate I will not entertain.

One of the other things that surprised me is the possible sentencing these men could face. Hate crimes are not taken lightly by any means. Maximum sentencing could result in life in prison. Let's put this in perspective for a minute. Anders Behring Breivik, the Norwegian man who killed 77 people, most of them teenagers at a youth camp, who was deemed sane by the courts, was recently sentenced to 21 years in prison, with a minimum of 10 years to be served. Norway has a limit as to how many years they can sentence a person; beyond that, they can be held longer if they are deemed a threat to society. Given that information, he'll be in prison for a long, long time. Fine. For people (like me) who didn't previously know this, it seems a little irrational that a man who kills 77 people would get 21 years in prison, meanwhile someone who cut another man's beard against his will would be facing life. Two completely different crimes, countries and circumstances, absolutely. The American public doesn't perceive it that way as portrayed by our media. As for whether I believe their actions are cause for life in prison, I'm undecided. I'm not in any position to judge, so I abstain. The rest of the details of the case are a bit more than I want to get into this evening, so I'll leave you with a link to check out if you're interested to find out more.

That's Breivik. Pardon my language, but fuck that guy.

All joking aside, this man needs to be held accountable for his actions, and for the psychological and emotional suffering he has inflicted on others. This is not to say the others involved are not guilty, given they had the free mind to choose to follow this man or not, but I certainly hope justice is served on this man. If he knew that defiling their facial hair would bring shame upon them and their families, then this man should be clean-shaven, courtesy of the Ohio judicial system.

D. 

(Johnny Mullet)