In case you forgot, they still exist...

There are so many things in our society and pop culture that had their moment of relevance in history, whether it be very long or extremely brief, and yet nowadays there is no mention of them even though they still exist to this day. Certain organizations/institutions, music artists, and other sources of entertainment or unnecessary attention begin to crumble, disappear or fade out of the limelight over time. Some of them only have themselves to blame because they don't know when to call it quits. Others rise to fame in a hurry, then vanish just as quickly. It's my job to remind you that they're still among us. It may be hard to believe for some...it may not be for others. To me, there's some level of surprise for each of the ones I will mention tonight.

I am willing to admit there may be bias in my first section because I am not exactly a huge basketball fan. Sure, I've played before...I've got a decent 'J'...but I can find more constructive things to do with my day than watching basketball on television, including, but not limited to, laying in my sweats and scratching myself. Graphic? Perhaps...but you get the point. Thanks to the likes of LeBron, D-Wade, Kobe, Dwight Howard and the other NBA primadonnas, you should already know I'm not referring to them. Their XX chromosome counterparts are the ones in question. That's right...the WNBA. I remember how big of a deal it was so many years ago when it first came into existence. Estrogen-fueled pride was predominant across the nation when they had a league of their own [in Goldmember voice: "Tom Hanks"]. Did you know there's still a league? I swear it actually came down to accidentally paying enough attention to the last 5 minutes of Sportscenter to know that these masculine ladies still compete. I'll give credit where credit is due: they could whoop my ass in a one-on-one matchup, no doubt about it. My question is did they ever actually believe they would be able to sustain a large enough fan base to stay relevant? There is no appeal to it. I already don't care for high scoring NBA games, then you want to cut the scoring in half and have about three slam dunks a year league-wide? Screw that. I've got an itchy thigh, so I'll focus on that instead. When the league goes defunct, somebody notify me. At least then I won't be surprised to find out after the fact.

I couldn't find a picture of women in the WNBA. This picture of dudes

wearing women's clothing/basketball uniforms and wigs will have to suffice.

I know this next one will ruffle a few feathers. Last year, some hillbilly customer called me crazy when he eavesdropped on a conversation I was having with a coworker about how overrated the Rolling Stones are. I said it, and if you don't like it, well then you need to just shut up and learn. Here are things to consider:

• In their younger years, they were revolutionary sex symbols that played catchy tunes
• Mick Jagger doesn't have an incredible voice, I don't care what you say...supposedly he's got moves, though...
• Keith Richards is a sub-par guitarist at best, and I believe his talents are surprisingly enhanced by his excessive and well-known career-long drug abuse
• Aside from a few tolerable songs, I can only hope they were great on-stage entertainers in their prime because the music is less than impressive

I know a lot of people that grew up listening to them are readying themselves to kick my ass as soon as possible. I'd like to tell those people to chill out, put your walker or cane down, sit back down in your la-z-boy and pop open an Ensure because I'm not done. These guys came out with a lot of music that probably wasn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things. When somebody argues music is great because it was 'revolutionary for is time', that's a euphemism for being innovative while still being trendy. Decades from now, people will say that Justin Bieber was 'revolutionary for his time'. Would you agree with that? I certainly don't, unless you agree with my euphemism. That's right Mick...you were just compared to that blonde bitch boy with a bowl cut. Congratulations. The shocking thing is they're still around, and that they are still clinging to the glimmer of hope that anyone cares enough to notice. I'm always dumbfounded each time I hear in the news that Keith Richards falls out of a coconut tree after a coke binge and he continues to survive. I think I'm with a lot of people that weren't even sure he was still alive to begin with. They're still touring, charging a minimum of just under $100 per ticket. Why somebody would pay that much to see these geriatric rockers poorly perform while wrinkling before your eyes is absurd. I hope these ticket-buyers realize they're paying for Keith Richards (illegal) addictions and Mick's collagen injections for his mutant lips. I'd rather spend my money on more useful things, such as beer-scented candles or used sneakers.

Somewhere out there is a naked, homeless Jimmy Buffett fan;

Keith Richards robbed him of his outfit and dignity. Well...not dignity.

The last group I'll talk about will maybe make up for my comments that enraged any Rolling Stones fans out there. It's something that I used to watch when I was a kid growing up, and I know I wasn't the only one, whether you want to admit it or not. I watched 'professional wrestling'. That's right...I watched those steroid-eating (I know you don't eat them...you snort them......) primitive barbarians dancing around on the canvas mat, hitting each other just hard enough to look remotely real, and objectifying some exceedingly fit women that possessed deeper voices than some of the actual wrestlers. All of the chair hits, crushing tables, bloody faces and intimidating (yet unnecessary) screaming...it was entertaining, I have to get that out there. It lost its allure after a while. It was only funny when it was obvious they screwed up somehow, and were quickly scrambling to get back to the 'script' they're following. Most people I know not only refrain from watching it, but they also say it has been quite some time since the last time they did. Well I'm here to tell you that not only has it not gone away yet, but it is just as popular (if not, more) as it has been in the past. I am sure most of my readers are either surprised or they have actually skipped to the next paragraph because they simply don't care about wrestling at all. With that said, I'll test my readers by saying I am not originally from Earth. I am from the Reamulak Galaxy, and I call Reamoutalot my home planet. Explains a lot, huh? Anyway, a long time ago, there were pop culture icons in the world of wrestling, and now there are nothing but roid-heads that are greasier than a bucket of KFC. Nobody cares anymore, I assure you. I don't think it'll go away any time soon, if ever. It still surprises me just a little to have to accept that fact.

Just before his devastating finishing move...the Turd Tickler.

That's when he takes his finger and...actually, you don't want to know.

For those who skipped the previous paragraph, I promise you didn't miss much. Nothing alarming at all. Just another mention of something that still has a place in our society. Maybe I'll come up with more things like these. I've got all the time in Reamoutalot...I mean the world.

D.