WTF is Gluten?

Gluten lives here.

I'm expecting some ignorant feedback on this post...trust me. As for whether I'm being ignorant or not, well that's your call. I'm just basing this on research and observation. If that's not the way to go about this, then science is wrong. Go take it up with Einstein. Today I have a problem with gluten. I'll leave it up to you to read up on it. The best way for me to generalize the description is exactly this: it's some shit that is found in wheat and other grains that is known to cause issues in some peoples' small intestines, either due to an allergy to it or Coeliac Disease, an autoimmune genetic disorder of said nature. It was first introduced to society in the 19th century, so it's not like this disease just crept up on everyone this year.

Alright, so I'm assuming you at least skimmed through the links I posted so you have a better idea of what I'm talking about. Here's what I don't understand: why did it take this long for society to put so much stress on gluten? Believe me, I have no problem with this becoming a greater concern for everyone's health. Gluten-free groceries, gluten-free restaurant menus...whatever it may be, I am all for it. Why should it be any more difficult for these people to eat healthy when they have to be absolutely certain there is no gluten in each item? You would think that it effects enough people worldwide that these accommodations would have already been made a long time ago. It's not like grocery stores or eateries are going to lose any business by opening up their variety to gluten-free products. If anything, they could expect to make more money off of such items. All of a sudden, as if some UFO landed and warned us of an impending attack if these options were not made available immediately, gluten-free this-and-that are being broadcasted and advertised as though it's the greatest thing since sliced bread...gluten-free sliced bread.

Gluten-hating aliens.

The only other thing I have to say about this stuff is my own personal complaint. Before I even say it, let me clear one thing up: yes...I am being petty and ridiculous. If I wasn't doing so, I wouldn't be doing my job well as a blogger of nonsense. Here goes: 'gluten' is a terrible name for this stuff. That's right, I said it. Terrible. Why do I believe it's such a terrible title? Let's take a closer look at the foods we eat. The things you hear about most often that you typically want less of when talking about food are as follows:

• Calories
• Fat
• Cholesterol
• Sodium
• Carbohydrates
• Gluten (for some)

Now obviously, it's not always better to have less of these things in your diet. It's better for your long-term health that they are not ingested in excess. Take a glance at that list and think to yourself...what sounds the most disgusting of the bunch? To me, calories, sodium and carbs seem more like scientific terms than they are gross. Cholesterol and fat sound pretty nasty to devour. Then there's gluten. Doesn't that just have a certain gag-inducing ring to it? Gluten. It sounds like something more globular and gelatinous than Jell-o, more odiferous than a used gym sock, and about as edible as a chunk of rubber. It doesn't sound like something you'd be able to extract from wheat, but rather from the ass meat of an adult elephant. I have a suggested word replacement for gluten. 'Wittle'. I already looked it up in google. There is no 'wittle' in the dictionary. There is no word origin beyond my twisted mind. It just sounds like something you could filter out of wheat.

• Wittle comes from wheat.
• Gluten comes from elephant ass meat.

I may be biased, but that sounds exponentially more believable. If that were truly the case, grocery stores would carry a whole lot more gluten-free products, I assure you.

Mmmm...I bet that gluten sounds so appetizing now.

These are the sort of things I think about during my down time. Don't judge me. I'm bold enough to rant about it in public. You keep all your thoughts locked up. Who's the crazy one now?

I'm still crazy, I know. You are too, though...just admit it, and you'll be better off.

D.