Fantasy Football Frauds

I know a lot of people that participate in running a fantasy football team, whether it is in a free league or in one that you pay to play in hopes of winning a decent amount of cash. Many of these people take it extremely serious, while others simply enjoy the friendly competition and do it as an extra hobby. Personally, I like the competitiveness and the opportunity to win a legitimate prize, so my involvement goes as far as running a league and one of the teams in said league. Right now, my team is doing pretty well, so I'm hoping that translates into long-term success that eventually leads to some extra money in my pocket.

For those who need a quick review of how it works:

• When the league is created, it is composed of several willing players that created teams with witty, normal, nonsense or stupid team names; this year, mine may cover all 4 of these descriptions ('Joe Buck Loves Seamen'...somewhat of a play-on-words, check the spelling though, it's not as gross as it sounds at first...well...maybe it is). Leagues with 10-12 teams in them tend to have the best distribution and competition.
• The teams then draft players from the pool of all eligible NFL players, and they are chosen based on who the team managers believe will have the best statistical season, no one player being drafted multiple times. The players are chosen to fill particular positions that will play each week with some reserves on your bench that you can opt to use at your discretion.
• Throughout the season, each team manager sets their lineup each week to what they believe to be the group of players that will acquire the most points that week. Some leagues are played one-vs.-all every week, but most are head-to-head match-ups in which you go one-on-one against a different team each week.
• Points are based on their in-game performance, including (but not limited to) touchdowns, total yards, field goals and defensive efforts like interceptions, fumbles and sacks. Whoever comes out with the most points that week is typically the happiest of the bunch. Team managers with Tony Romo as their QB were not happy this week.
• The last couple of weeks in the NFL season are the playoff weeks in fantasy football, and it takes the top few teams in the league and faces them off to determine a league winner.

I'm sure it can be explained better in person or by someone else, but hopefully you get the point. The most serious participants spend ridiculous amounts of time adjusting their lineups because of injuries, bye weeks or just second-guessing themselves. Some of them go as far as relying on 'fantasy football gurus' that are plastered all over every sports network that covers football. These guys are about to be reamed by this reamer.

Perfect reference material: The League on FX.

On ESPN, NFL Network, Fox Sports, CBS Sports, and so many other sources of football coverage, there are these guys that they call fantasy football gurus, experts or whatever highly over-exaggerated title given to them because they apparently know a lot statistically about football. They recommend players to start, players to sit, who to drop and who to pick up on a weekly basis. All of these are decisions are formulated on factors like their stats from previous games, their upcoming opponent, their health and any other overanalyzed factor they can come up with. These guys feed everyone this information that are merely assumptions of how these players will perform on the field that day. They have no legitimate proof that a player will do well or not well at all.

Start him.               Sit him.

Here's an example. These would have been the correct choices.

Alright, let's get the first observation I've had out of the way. Have you seen any of these men they call 'gurus'? If you take a look at each and every one of them, they are all short, puny little nerds that I can pretty much guarantee you never played an athletic sport in their lives. They were good with numbers growing up, got their asses kicked on a regular basis when they were growing up, and put their math skills to use to become analysts of the men that once kicked their asses. Pretty cut and dry. Need visual aids? It'd be my pleasure.

• Adam Schefter from ESPN
• Jason La Canfora from NFL Network
• Jamey Eisenberg from CBS Sports

Just a small sampling of the dorks in question. I'm not a fighter, and I could kick their asses with no problem. That, plus I'm probably better at math than them as well. So why are we taking advice from these scrawny douches in suits? We should be hearing from men that played the game and have a good sense for how players may perform based on personal experience, and not just videos, numbers and guessing.

With their pathetic stature out of the way, let's focus on their accuracy. Judging by the fact that nobody is undefeated in their entire lives of fantasy football, everyone at some point has made a poor decision in who they started and who they sat, possibly even being the sole reason they lost any certain week. In short, nobody is qualified to be called an 'expert' by any means. They wear that tag proudly when they are asked to give their opinions. Here's the real interesting part: they use circumlocution each week to disguise their admittance that they are not, in fact, experts. When they go over the results of the past week, they give a detailed list of which picks they made that were accurate and produced excellent numbers, only to be followed by their picks that were not so successful. More often than not, those lists are pretty even, showing a few great choices and a few terrible ones. EACH WEEK!!! Is it just me, or is their credibility as a whole rendered nonexistent? These guys are telling us that they are not reliable on a weekly basis, yet some people can't make a decision without them. Here's my advice: make your own decisions. You have free will...use it. Don't let some prick in a suit tell you some guy is going to run for 150 yards and two touchdowns, only to disappoint you with 27 yards and a fumble. Go on instinct. If your instinct normally sucks, go against it. Just don't listen to these guys.

Adam Schefter Showing us a gesture he is good at.

The last thing that I wonder is the product of their flawed accuracy. What exactly are these men getting paid for if they are frequently incorrect in their recommendations? Somehow, these networks find it reason enough to keep them around to be consistently wrong. Is it an effort to boost ratings from fantasy football players? Are they actually just sports statisticians with a second title of no significance? Are both of these reasonable assumptions? I believe so. To all these networks, please do the world a favor, because you're getting plenty of viewers regardless of these horrible so-called experts: give them a cubicle in the background, keep them off camera, and pay them for crunching numbers. They are not worth our time or yours, and definitely not worth whatever exorbitant amount of money you are paying them.

Considering I am 3-1 after four weeks, I feel like I am doing a good enough job on my own that I don't need their help (or lack thereof). I hope that's not the kiss of death, but I'm willing to take that risk. Better than relying on the 'Nerd Squad'.

D.