'Vote For Me' Sign-offs

You'd better listen to your Uncle Sam.

This is just an idea of mine. Nothing too crucial, but I think it would make all these campaign ads a little more worth their air time. They're all too similar:

• They bash the other candidates policies/actions/stances
• They claim they will do the exact opposite of the other candidate
• They present positive images of themselves and 'incriminating' ones of the others
• Most of them finish up with, "I'm __(insert candidate's name here)__, and I approve this message."

Alright, so it's obvious that the first three are not going to change anytime soon. The candidates' need to discredit the other while telling everyone how great they are and how they will do a better job than the other guy is pretty much the goal of these ads. That I understand. I don't blame any or everyone for not wanting to sit through four campaign ads per commercial break until Election Day, but that's just how it's going to be. I don't like it either, but I deal with it.

Technically...this is inaccurate. He is working...just not very well.

Perhaps his pointy white hood. (Too far? Too bad.)

Really? Sarah Jessica Parker? I'd rather have Pauly Shore promoting my candidacy.

Instead, Obama is okay with this terrible actress pretending her opinion is relevant.

I think that their sign-offs need to change. There's no question about who approves the message. In fact, they're only stating that they approve it when all supporters of said candidate technically support it as well. That's mighty selfish, is it not? Plus, it's not like there's going to be a thirty-second ad that tells us how terrible of a president/politician/human Obama might be that is approved by Obama himself. Unless he just ate crow for dinner, followed by a big slice of humble pie, he's not going to do that. The overall point is that nobody cares who approved it, paid for it, starred in it, etc. My ideas to replace these sign-offs might be a little extreme...a little bizarre perhaps...but they are sure to grab your attention and make it memorable for you.

• "I'm Mitt Romney...and I have a valid birth certificate."
• "I'm Barack Obama...I'm from the streets, bitch! 3-1-2 represent!"
• "I'm Mitt Romney...and I can legally parade around with multiple women."
• "I'm Barack Obama...my wife is more hood than any of your busted wives."
• "I'm Mitt Romney...and the 14% I paid in taxes paid for Obama's ads. Poor bastard."
• "I'm Barack Obama...that's because in order to pay taxes, I'd have to be a legal citizen. I just cut the middle man out. Thanks for the ads, bro."

How about the more local candidates?

• "I'm Paul Hirschbiel...because there's only one way to pronounce my last name."
• "I'm Scott Rigell...it's pronounced 'Ridge-ull', not 'Rih-Jell'. The other guy's just a dick."
• "I'm Tim Kaine...because George Allen is a name better suited for a bad country singer."
• "I'm George Allen...because Tim Kaine sounds too similar to 'pimp cane'."

These are just a few simple examples. Perhaps the ones with curses in them would have to air on HBO or Showtime between movies or hour-long series', because people are too sensitive to handle the f-word on standard television. The FCC should grow a pair. This is a crude society we live in, why sugarcoat important messages like these?

Mitt Romney wrote this meme.

It's time to be raw. Be edgy. You'll be more likely to keep people interested.

D.