Where Do These People Come From?

An amazing thing happens when you venture off to certain locations in what most would deem common destinations, some more common than others. I'm sure all public venues experience it to some degree, but I'm sure most people will agree with me that the few I have in mind certainly stand out. What I'm talking about are the random miscreants...the creepiest of the creepy...the dregs of society that crawl out from their caves, dungeons or display sheds in Home Depot parking lots and present themselves to the general public. Us common folk, at some level, already believe we are what we would like to think is normal. I don't know if their sudden emergence has to do with the lunar cycle or if there's a secret alliance of mutant humans that gathers in a few particular venues, but I will provide you with a short list of the ones that have stood out to me as high quality people-watching spots.

The most obvious of all: Walmart.

The only establishment on my list that has a website dedicated to the true home of the public display of poor lifestyle and fashion choices. If you have yet to visit www.peopleofwalmart.com, it can provide entertainment for hours. I know that I don't have to go into a detailed discussion of some of what you see at Walmart because to some extreme or another, we have all seen someone or something that has inevitably corrupted your mind and seared an image into your memory that you want to forget, yet you know you never will. Whether it be a motorized shopping cart being driven by what appears to be a mid-sized elephant with human children closely following, or a man dressed as a streetwalker wearing high heels and booty shorts (see above) who looks like he would normally drive a taxi or own a shady pawn shop, or possibly a family of four that arrived in not only the same outfit, but also proudly donning their magnificent mullets (that one I myself witnessed in Virginia). For some reason, these people (and the many more that I did not describe) view Walmart as some sort of safe haven for looking and acting like a total buffoon. I even wonder if some people actually and purposely are at home looking halfway decent and then actively attempt to appear like a total slob. It's not like they just roll out of bed looking that way...that takes effort!! Some would argue that these people "don't own a mirror", but I know that can't be true. These individuals surely have the need to admire themselves before leaving the house, so my thought on this is what is the condition of said mirror? Is it warped? Was it acquired from an old carnival fun house? Is the reflection some alternate dimension that makes everything look sophisticated and fancy? If it's not a fun house mirror, did they purchase it at Walmart? That will surely prevent me from buying a mirror there. I would actually appreciate if one of these people I'm criticizing now would give me what they believe is a reasonable and valid explanation as to why they do what they do. Is their goal to entertain as many witnesses as possible? Do they view us as weird? I'm truly curious. Please someone enlighten me with their first-person insight and get back to me.

Rock concerts. Those can become quite the place to crawl out from under a rock to attend. Now let me say this: I try to speak from experience, and the majority of shows I have attended have ranged between a tame rock band and some intense heavy metal. With that said, I am not implying rock concerts are the only ones that draw in an odd crowd, but something tells me they are certainly the most common. For instance, I'm not talking about a group of 50-somethings that all went out to a Jimmy Buffett show with their matching Tommy Bahama palm tree print shirts and their Banana Republic khaki short shorts, garnished with socks and sandles. That's far from extreme, that's just extremely lame. I also feel like it has become the norm for the country music fan, their typical attire consists of the oldest jeans they own saturated with cow shit and motor oil, no legitimate t-shirt and a homemade plaid button-down shirt-vest that they meticulously cut themselves with the nearest sharp object they could find at home and conveniently left unbuttoned so everyone can check out their (fl)abs. (This applies to the male concert-goers, because those women that attend...you keep wearing them Daisy Dukes and whatever limited amount of fabric you call a shirt, who am I to stop you from enhancing my window-shopping experience? Ok, sorry...typical male moment over.) Some fans of rock and roll bands are more dedicated to looking the part than most other genres. Take KISS for instance: I'm not sure if there is a more loyal fan following in the rock genre than there is for KISS, if not in the sense of loving their music, then they make up for it with their commitment to dressing the part. It's not so much that their costumes are "crazy", so to speak, but the effort is absolutely evident. The detailed face paint, spandex and bondage-esque body armor is practically an accepted part of being in the KISS Nation. Want something more intense? How about Gwar? If you've never heard of them, the over-the-top costumes and makeup they wear on stage only further encourages their fans to show up looking like they just got off the set of a bad horror-porn about bloody mutated animals doing unimaginable things to one another. It's about as bizarre as it gets. My most memorable experience was surprisingly my first concert experience: Tool on Halloween night. Without making it a long drawn-out story, all I can tell you is that it was actually difficult to determine whether or not some of these people were dressed up for the band or the holiday. Fantastic show though. Anyway, the whole point of this is that these people exist in society in plain clothes for what I hope takes up the other 99.99% of their life. Either they lurk in a dark hole somewhere and wait for these shows to come to town or they incredibly clean up well enough to have jobs, hobbies and social lives and you'd never know what goes on behind the scenes. Maybe because I've never felt the urge to look like a murderous warthog on a steady diet of steroids and PCP, I still have a tough time grasping why these people do it. Perhaps I never will.

Laundromats. Let me start this one off with a positive comment about these people. The fact is that they are going to a laundromat with full loads of dirty laundry and they leave with what I am left to assume are clean clothes. The active attempt to not be creepy and dirty on an everyday basis is certainly worth noting. Alright, so back to the unfortunate truth about some of these vagrants is that some of them come in wearing dirtier clothes than the ones they are washing, or so it at least appears on the surface. Now I've heard the excuse that "today is laundry day", which apparently authorizes anyone to show up looking like they just spent the last three weeks sleeping in a sewer in close proximity to a toxic waste dump. On laundry day, if I require a visit to one of these places, I simply wear gym shorts and an older t-shirt, so basically workout gear. I'm not there to impress anyone, and even if I was, I'd be well-prepared to do a few push-ups to show off my guns (they're more like pea-shooters, let's be real). Definitely not my Sunday best, but not something I should have disposed of years ago either. It's scary to think that there was probably a back-up option that they passed over to instead wear something from the Derelicte Campaign. While that accounts for one-third of these people, there's another massive demographic to mention, with emphasis on massive. There are the women that could anchor a yacht with their sheer magnitude, yet they felt like today was the day to unleash their yoga pants. Just a reminder folks...you can gouge out your eyes all you want, but you can not gouge out your mind's eye. Those images sear into your memory bank like a flame-kissed steak. You are crippled with fear that their asses might actually be swallowing their pants with each strained step they take. Yoga pants are designed to stretch, but they are not limitless, and these women march on whisker-thin ice every time they squeeze every ounce of cellulite into that miraculous material. If that wasn't bad enough, they pair it with a top that has some sort of positive adjective that they believe describes them well, like "SEXY" or "BABYDOLL". They should say something more like "HUNGRY" or "BABY BACK RIBS". A little more truth in advertising, that's what I'm all about. Here's a novel idea...and I'll preface this idea by saying that it is cold-blooded and a bit mean, but the truth hurts...I challenge these individuals to cut their food budget in half. By doing this, they should be able to afford their own washer and dryer set, therefore saving them money, they melt away a hefty amount of human blubber, and they save money in the long run by not having to pay unreasonable amounts of money to wash their clothes in public. Three birds, one stone. Damn, I'm good.

These are by far not the only three places you bump into these Neanderthals, but to me, these are the three that stand out the most. I can think of a few more that are worth honorable mentions:

Bike Rallies - I really do appreciate motorcycle enthusiasts, but some of you people need to come to grips with some facts: you're not in your 20s/30s anymore, you've put on some weight in areas that leather does not compliment well, and you look, smell and sound like you've smoked since Gerber was your main menu option.

Gyms - This one gets an honorable mention because the overwhelming majority of gym-goers are in in pretty decent shape. They are what we like to call "regulars". The "irregulars" are the ones that go for 20 minutes, look around in confusion and leave, so they can say they've been "going to the gym every day". Fun fact: I once saw an irregular sitting at a weight bench with very light Dumbbells...next to her bag of Doritos. The worst part is she works in the same building as me. Amazing.

Beaches - This one wouldn't be fair to analyze because everyone goes to the beach. I'll just leave it at this: for some people, beach blankets should be worn, not laid on, and Speedos/banana hammocks...not okay. You keep those covered please, your little twig and berries are not for sharing. Dammit, there are kids around!

I'll leave off with this thought: I get to make these judgements because I myself am weird. Admitting is the first step, and it takes one to know one. In this case...I know a lot. Take it from me...you people are f'n weird.

The Creepiest Man In South Carolina

There is no question in my mind about this. There is no debate. Of all of the men in South Carolina (not including those currently behind bars or in an asylum), I have met the #1 creeper this state has to offer. I exclude those imprisoned simply because the majority of them are creepy enough as it is, yet if I'm lucky, I'll never have to cross paths with them. Based on this man's actions and comments, I'm a little surprised this man hasn't ended up in prison himself. Maybe he was just released...

I digress...

Allow me to set the scene for you:

   - I was working at my second job, in self-checkout at a grocery store.

   - All self-checkout registers were open and I was walking to the front aisle to see if there were any customers with just a few items, any loose baskets, to straighten out any messy shelves nearby, etc.

   - The store was not very busy, so the front aisle was not swarming with customers.

   - A man around 70 years old, give or take a few, was rolling toward me in one of those motorized seated shopping carts (in all fairness, he looked like he actually needed it, he wasn't just some fat, lazy slob...that's a discussion for a future post).

   - He was about 15-20 feet from me, and he waved to grab my attention, and so it began...

(This guy is checking out apples...the creeper I met was checking out apple bottoms...)

Here was our brief, yet flabbergasting conversation:

D: Did you need help finding anything?

Old Man: I already found it...

D: Oh really? And what's that exactly?

Old Man: Do you know what a Brazil butt looks like?

D: Yes, I'm familiar...

(He proceeds to describe one anyway...)

Old Man: It's one of those butts that you can sit something on top of, just like a shelf. Really round and big...very nice.

D: I understand sir.

Old Man: There's this girl shopping here right now, she's got one for sure. I've been following her around the store.

[Pause: this man literally admitted to me that in no uncertain terms, at least for the duration of his and her shopping visit, that he was stalking this poor woman. I was already uncomfortable at that point. It gets worse...]

D: Oh...I gotcha...

Old Man: Keep an eye out for her...I'm sure she's coming. You'll see.

D: I'm sure I will.

[The old man then turns down one of the aisles, and just before he was completely out of the front aisle, he stops abruptly, looks across the store and then looks back at me very excited...]

Old Man: There she is! There she is! Make sure you get a good look!

So this guy slowly creeps forward down the aisle, and I figured it was over at this point. The woman walks by, and to be quite honest...not nearly as advertised, but that's beside the point. What I couldn't have predicted was that she would turn down the same aisle as him. She walked past him completely unsuspecting of his creepish behavior, and he looked back at me, smiled, and continued to follow her.

I have no way of knowing how long he had been following this woman. It's possible this man even followed her from another location to the grocery store, but who knows? All I can say is that was sketchy as hell and I pray for that woman's safety. She had no idea she could have been sexually assaulted by Bad Grandpa that day.

Now looking back at the facts, somebody out there may think that was really rather harmless compared to what could have taken place, or that they know of another instance that was even worse than what I described. If you saw it from my perspective, you'd be thinking of the age, the motorized shopping cart, the evident excitement, the clear intentions, and the outspokenness of said intentions make this man insanely creepy, especially since it was all in public. If anyone reading this can match or beat this dreg of society, I welcome you to share your story with me. I'm always up for some high quality entertainment.

Alright, time to go research for future posts (a.k.a. people watching...a.k.a. work).

D.

Thoughts on Déjà Vu

Everyone has had it. Nobody can explain it.

Go ahead, science. Tell me how experiencing this phenomenon makes me believe I've been there, done that, or seen it before. Tell me how my brain is producing some image of something that I will do in the distant future, but I will not remember it until the moment it happens. Even if you could rationalize some chemical reaction that results in such a strange occurrence, find a way to convince me that this particular event, Déjà Vu, makes any sort of logical sense.

"Whoa" indeed, Keanu.

Déjà Vu - n. - the feeling that you have already experienced something that is actually happening for the first time. (Origin - French adjective, literally translated "already seen")

That shit's straight out of Merriam-Webster, dog. Then through my limited research (because I'm not really looking to delve into the concept of déjà vu all night on a Friday...I do have a life, surprisingly), there are several theories I've read about, but ultimately, that's all they are...theories. The only fact you can derive from it is that it has been experienced by many. This is not an unfamiliar thing to the general public. Given, it's also not something that happens on such regularity that a person can't go a day without thinking, "Damn, hasn't this happened before?" Even if that is the case, that's an extremely rare case, and I'd still be willing to call "Shenanigans" on the truth-stretcher in question. I'll be glad to inform said poor soul that having consecutive bad days at the same crappy job does not constitute having déjà vu. That's called "life". Also, we don't live in a real life version of Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. He'll tell you it doesn't actually work like that either.

Here's Bill holding the second cousin of the Caddyshack gopher.

With all of this said, I would rather discuss my own profound thoughts on this topic. Whether you find them to be profound or not is entirely up to you, but I had a sort of mind-blowing moment the last time I experienced déjà vu. I might as well jump right into it now.

First of all, one of the debates that should immediately draw our attention is the origin of the occurrence itself. Think about it: we are literally experiencing something in real life that we truly feel we have done before. The exact place, time, environment, people...every little detail is so precise that the fact that you recognize it is rather incredible in itself. So how is it that we are recognizing something that you can honestly say you have only physically experienced at that moment, yet mentally you visualized it sometime in the past? One could surmise that the sheer repetition of some everyday activity resides in your memory and eventually it becomes your mind's idea of what could take place, although it's hard to believe that it would only be coincidence if it actually happened. So I'm already going to rule that out.

The next thing to consider is the possibility of premonition. Is it so hard to believe that we all possess some sort of sixth sense, no matter how minute in nature it may be? Clearly I'm not talking about seeing dead people or even possessing psychic capabilities, but I don't find it too far-fetched to have a mere glimpse into the future for even a few seconds every once in a great while. Look at it this way: have you ever had a feeling in your gut, a hunch that something, some random event, would take place, such as bumping into an old friend or receiving a phone call from someone you haven't heard from in a long time...and then it came true? How much different is that really? We're also not talking about constantly having these moments that are life-altering in any way. I can say from experience that I've only had déjà vu during some of the most mundane moments: relaxing at home, sitting in class at school, finishing out my day at work...not exactly epic memories in my life.

Now for my deep thoughts on this topic. Theoretically, if this is in fact a form of premonition, and at that moment, you can distinctly recall having that occurrence, I'm wondering why we can not predict it before it happens. Lets look at the facts again. First, you need to previously have visualized the inevitable event, primarily in a dream state. Next, quite simply, the event occurs. Finally, you acknowledge that said event was not the first time it had occurred, physically or not. So with all of this in mind, wouldn't it be rational to believe you could extract that moment from your memory before it "re"-occurs, and you would then know it's about to happen before it does? That's just following logic. This does open up the potential possibility of altering the events that have then been deemed "predictable", so to speak, which is far too in-depth of a topic to get into without straying from the point. It is still a factor that would need to be considered if the anticipation was possible. The question remains unanswered: why can we not predict the event even though we can confirm it is familiar after the fact? I don't know if there will ever be an answer to that. At least not one that holds water.

My last interest on this matter is a little more philosophical. So let's chalk déjà vu up as nothing more than coincidence or something like it. Is it something that is just part of being human, or is there a higher power involved? For those of you that are reading this that have faith in any one of a number of religions, you have to consider this as something that a higher being could control. The same goes for individuals that believe in extraterrestrials having an influence over our thoughts. The overall idea is that this could be viewed as a sign from these entities. What does this sign mean, you ask? Who knows? It could be a way for them to acknowledge your faith in their existence, or maybe they're just extremely bored and this is a way to screw with your head to keep themselves entertained. The latter actually seems like the most likely scenario in this instance. Hell, if I had the power to control someone's thoughts that way, I'd have some real fun with it. I'd make sure to do it so a person remembers stepping on a heaping pile of dog crap at an outdoor wedding, or when their pants split at work with six hours left on their shift...you know, moments that are already memorable in themselves, but would benefit from that extra bit of peculiarity that makes it stand out.

I'd make him remember this moment...twice.

It's pretty safe to say that nobody will ever know how or why déjà vu takes place, unless that's something we discover post-mortem (which also truly depends on your beliefs on afterlife). All I can say though is that it has certainly happened to me several times before, and...

...wait a minute...I feel like I've done this before...

False alarm. This post is different from the previous ones I've done.

Whew...that was a close one.

D.

Ream-ember When I Used To Write?

I started this blog over two years ago and had approximately 100 posts. I was posting on nearly an everyday basis. It kept me busy, it was a good release to get my thoughts out there to share with everyone (and by "everyone", I mean the select few that actually read this), and it made me strive for more things to write about.

Then life happened...

   1) My most recent ex didn't like that I wrote a blog. She made that explicitly clear to me, and even without a shred of a valid reason why, she nagged me to the point that it wasn't worth the aggravation of listening to her make a big deal of it anymore.

   2) My roommate decided to move back up north, which forced me into the choice of where I would live and who I would live with. Decision made: stayed down here, found a one bedroom apartment, and I chose to live alone.

   3) Although my full time job is enough to cover the living expenses (especially since I was recently promoted), I needed to take on a second job to help eliminate my debt. (See http://reaming-and-writing.blogspot.com/2012/09/crazy-btch-sessions-pt-ii.html for more on that.) This summer, I had about six or seven days off from both jobs. I was able to visit the beach (less than a mile from my apartment, by the way) three of those days. I haven't had time for car maintenance, doctor/dentist/eye appointments, or quite simply just time to relax.

   4) I found someone special to spend time with in the few instances I have said time. We both seem to make each other happy, and to her and I, that's all that matters.

These are what have prevented me from delivering my messages and telling my stories on here, but that will be changing. I've finally been given reduced hours at the second job. My lady friend and I don't always have schedules that align, so there will be free time after work every so often. I've been gathering plenty of material over the time of my absence from writing (which has now surpassed a full year, unfortunately), so there is a lot to share.

Some examples of topics you may encounter upon your visits:

   1) Grocery Self-Checkout 101

   2) Domestic Violence In Major Sports

   3) Incredible Netflix Finds

   4) Bringing Back Words & Phrases

This is just a sampling of what is to come. All I can tell you is...

...the reamer is back.

D.

Jesus Saves

You see it.

You hear it.

It's a phrase that even those who deny any and all religions as truth are familiar with:

Jesus Saves.

In case you couldn't already tell, I'm sort of a cynical thinker. Actually, not 'sort of'...blatantly. Well anyway, I was on the road on my way home from work one of these days when along came a 67-passenger church van with some super generic church title pasted on either side. You know the ones:

Our Redeemer Lutheran

Everlasting Peace Baptist

Saint John the Baptist Evangelical

The True Path Non-Denominational Church.

He Rose Again Seventh Day Adventist

Before I get to the real meat and potatoes (or the loaves and the fishes, for you Bible buffs) of my ramblings, I do want to point out the particular ironies in the church names I just made up (because YES it is that easy). The first two, Our Redeemer and Everlasting Peace I'll mention later on, for their irony is not yet relevant. Saint John the Baptist...well nowadays if you say you're a Baptist, you're not an Evangelical. Sort of like how Lutherans do zero teachings of saints and sainthood in general (go ahead...ask a Catholic), yet they have no problem naming a church after one because they lacked any cleverness. I know this because that's what I was raised to learn. Saint John was a religious prophet that performed many baptisms, and I am well aware that doesn't mean he's actually a Baptist by religion. If you're butt-hurt already, I suggest you exit stage right (Mac users, stage left) immediately. The True Path Non-Denominational is one I feel especially proud of. The simple irony here is that if there was a "true path" that would make it pretty easy to distinguish one denomination from the rest. Honestly though, non-denominational churches are the new euphemism for 'cult'. That's the greatest cop-out in the history of cop-outs. "Well we want to have a church to celebrate our Lord," (because not capitalizing 'Lord' would make me a heathen), "but we want our congregation to feel free to have their choice of beliefs while we teach them the way we look at it." Yea, that makes no sense, folks. These people are not pastors, priests, ministers...whatever. They are motivational speakers with a lot of money and no souls. The very fact that some of you are convinced they are more than that only confirms they are closer to being cult leaders than men of faith. All I'm going to suggest is please don't attend the Eternal Kool-Aid Lock-In they have planned for next weekend. Just sayin'. Finally, there's the He Rose Again Seventh Day Adventist church. This one is simple..."on the third day, he rose again." That is in black and white in that coveted book you love so much. Why worship the seventh day? Also according to that book, didn't God rest on the seventh day? You're making these people attend church on the day that the Bible says we should be sitting on our ever-so-fat asses at home so we can watch the game? Doesn't sound legitimate to me. My ultimate pleasure would be to find out that one of these church names is actually taken, and I would love to challenge the leader of said organization to defend their reasoning. I do enjoy a good debate.

Alright, so let's get back to the plot. "Jesus Saves." My cynicism begs to ask the question, "What does he save exactly?" All of these establishments would love for you to believe it is you he is saving. 

(Editor's note: if you aren't butt-hurt yet, but still have a feeling there is potential for you to get to that point, I strongly urge you to stop reading here. It's not going to get any more pleasant for you. Thank you for at least reading this far, and please check back for any non-religious-driven posts.)

Phew...they're gone. Thank God...oh wait...

Back to this saving concept. We are taught from the time we have any recollection from our youth that Jesus was God's earthly son who was crucified to save us from our sins. What I want to know is how is it that nailing a human being to a giant wooden cross suddenly saves everyone else in existence and future existence from all wrongdoing? So you're telling me that Ariel Castro is immediately forgiven because of Jesus' death, even after all that he did to those three innocent women in Cleveland? You're saying that James DiMaggio gets a free pass after murdering a mother and brother of a young girl he kidnapped because of his sick obsession, all because some guy died on a cross almost 2,000 years ago? Only if they repent, you say? Well that seems pretty fair, I suppose. All of these felonious individuals who suddenly "find God" after committing some of the most heinous acts are forgiven by that literal definition. What's that? Oh, they have to truly mean it too?! I guess that narrows the playing field a little, but the ultimate fact here is that millions of people believe this based purely on blind faith. I'd say that's the truest form of faith in all fairness, but you can never know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus was anything more than a prophet or a religious figurehead to give everyone else a high standard to live up to. That's not a negative thing by any stretch of the imagination, but anything beyond that is pretty difficult to accept as truth.

So let's say that hypothetically the whole "forgiveness of sins" and "saving your soul" thing is a wash. I would never argue that Jesus still doesn't save anything. If you don't know where I'm going with this by now, well then you may be one of the contributors to the largest business in existence. That business is the Bank...wait...Church of God. Jesus does save...your hard-earned money. Think about it, folks...no, really...really think about it. Where do those offerings go? I attended the same church growing up for over twenty years, then assisted with a youth group at another church for a few more, and neither church seemed to show any sign of structural improvement, at least none that directly benefitted the congregation. There were more glamorous statues and decor added to make the altar more aesthetically pleasing, but that's about all. Seriously, God could wipe his all-powerful, omnipresent butt with Bill Gates' bank statement. Luckily for the clergy, each one of them gets access to this holy account. All of them have a debit card linked to the Unlimited Salvation Savings Account...and it's all tax free! What a deal! You don't believe me? Have you seen the typical residency of a pastor, priest or some other religious figure? Humble is hardly the word I would use, especially in the cases of these non-denominational factories of deception. For example, in Virginia, one of these (cult) leaders flew to his church in his own personal helicopter every Sunday. It was only after nearby residents complained of the noise it created that he stopped doing that. Yea...way to "...humble yourselves before the Lord..." (James 4:10). Represented below is the actual logo of the Vatican Bank. Holy credit!

Remember those ironic church names I mentioned earlier? Let's touch on those for a moment. "Our Redeemer Lutheran." Oh yea, they redeem alright. They redeem your checks almost as soon as you hand it to them. Hell, you might as well just direct debit into that Unlimited Salvation account I was telling you about. Cut the middle man out. Actually, scratch that. The middle man is the church, comfortably seated right between you and your faith. You're actually feeding the middle man and allowing him to grow. It gets pretty uncomfortable when you have a fat middle man. Just imagine three seats on an airplane:

1. You have the window seat.
2. Fat middle man known as the church.
3. Your faith is in the aisle seat.

Wouldn't you like the freedom to just have that extra space by the aisle? Well too bad, because you're crammed into the fingerprint-smeared hazy window seat and Mr. Middle Man didn't put any deodorant on. You don't feel so great anymore, do you? It stinks, I know. Literally. These people represent The Church of Holy Cow.

How about "Everlasting Peace Baptist"? This one requires a little play-on-words in order to have the full effect of irony. It's either that or they literally misspelled one word: peace. It should be piece. "Everlasting Piece" makes more sense, really. Why's that? Well they have an everlasting piece of your paycheck each week. Go ahead and act like I'm lying. In fact, most churches not only keep track of the exact dollar amount they receive every week, but they are even so bold as to brag about it in the bulletin. They will gladly throw it in your face that they just raised over $30,000 in offerings, but they sure as shit aren't going to tell you where that money is going. Pastor Moneybags needs a new kitchen and wants to build an extension to the back of his house to entertain guests. I guess that would be a little too much information to share to the people that are paying for it. Father Falsehopes wants to upgrade from his Infiniti to a Mercedes, and you're going to make it happen, although you won't find out until he pulls into his designated parking spot. He won't thank you for your contribution either, since he is too ashamed to clue you in on who actually paid for it. The fact of the matter is as long as you keep showing up, his bills and luxuries will continue to be paid for.

Please understand that I've been a little jaded by churches because of how I have been personally effected by them in the past, so even though it may seem like pure bitterness in this entry, but I assure you that this was intended to entertain you and make you think a little. If you read through all this and find yourself livid, upset or personally insulted...you didn't heed my warnings. That's right...plural...warnings.

Looking back on my life, with all of my experiences and research on a topic of this nature, I'm beginning to think I went into the wrong business. Why be a blue collar worker when you can make the big bucks wearing a fancy little white one? Hindsight is 20/20 they say. Oh well.

D.