So let me set the scene for you. I learned that someone close to our family passed away very quickly and unexpectedly, and my sister and I spent hours upon hours traveling to get to the wake on time. We arrived shortly before they closed for the night, and spent that time paying our respects and offering our condolences to those who were mourning. It was nice to see people that I hadn't seen in years, although obviously the circumstances were far from ideal. There wasn't much that I felt was entirely inappropriate that evening, but the next morning was screaming of public displays of ridiculousness. What's even more alarming is the fact that the morning viewing was intended only for family and close friends of the family, so the utter disregard for decency was on a much more personal level.
I'll start with the general attire that I observed. Most everyone was dressed appropriately for the occasion, but there were a few individuals that stood out to me. First, there was the teenage kid who felt it would be a good idea to make a fashion statement by rolling the sleeves of his suit jacket so that the rolled up sleeves of his button-down shirt were flaring out at the elbows. On top of that, his top buttons were opened to where you could see the undershirt. This is the sort of thing you see in an Express catalog or an Abercrombie poster, not walking amongst the people mourning the loss of a loved one. Again, it is the fault of the kid up to a certain extent, but it's the parents that allow him to leave the house to go to a wake dressed like a fashion model that I feel needed to be corrected. I wouldn't go as far as saying that a tie is absolutely necessary, but it's obvious that he was more concerned about looking good than being respectful. Little does he know that if his goal was dressing to impress, he'd have done a hell of a lot better by keeping it classy instead of trendy.
The second example I have is a style that is particularly popular in that area, so I can at least understand why it was worn, yet I can't understand why that makes it acceptable for an event such as this one. What I'm talking about are cowboy hats. Alright...one thing I've learned about moving further south is that people tend to live more of a country lifestyle. They are outdoorsy, they pace themselves a little more, they have that 'twang' in their voice, and they dress considerably more casual than most. Part of that casual attire typically includes those cowboy hats, but just because it's a social standard in that area, that doesn't make it alright to wear that inside of a funeral home, church or cemetery. Hell, it's hardly acceptable in situations that don't involve the loss of a loved one; what makes them think it's reasonable now? This isn't a rodeo. You're not on your ranch herding cattle. You're not branding your daughter's boyfriend's ass because you found him in bed with her. You're here to mourn a personal loss! Get that through your skull, or is that cumbersome thing that's on top of it blocking the message? It's said that a long time ago during wartime when wounded and dying soldiers were being tended to, the healthy soldiers were only steps away from them when it came time to eat. Out of RESPECT, they removed their hats. They were doing that for men they hardly even knew, if at all. You're telling me you can't do the same for someone you are close to? I should burn your cowboy hat and piss on the ashes. Some of you posers aren't even real 'cowboys' anyway, but that's a whole other issue.
The next thing I noticed that really stood out is a perfect display of how detached from reality some people are in society. This time, it comes in the form of needing a particular beverage in their possession at all times. When did this become so predominant in our lives? Now let me clear one thing up real quick. I'm not talking about people that make coffee, drink a 5-Hour Energy or a Red Bull each morning before they go to work or school. That's routine, and I get it. I do it too. What I'm referring to is the disgusting need to have any one of those products in hand when you are walking into a funeral home, church or some other place of worship. These people make me nauseous just thinking about it. In a span of five to ten minutes, I witnessed one Red Bull (the mega-size can), one travel mug with what I can only hope contained coffee, two Mountain Dew bottles, and a bottle of water. The only one of these I can make an exception for is the water, but with that said, make the effort to keep it tucked away when you're not drinking it. Holding it in your hand while you're having random conversations with your fellow mourners is hardly necessary. Here's what you do the next time you're in this situation: whatever it is you drink, finish it before walking in...period. Simple as that. Think of the positives of such an action. First of all, you won't have to carry it around everywhere. (Who wants to do that? Nobody...that's who.) Second, you won't look like a spoiled, obnoxious elitist each time you sip your drink. Finally, you won't have that awkward moment when you need to throw away your empty bottle, you can't find the little garbage can, and you have to ask someone where you can dispose of it. Plus, with each of those drinks mentioned (Red Bull, Mountain Dew and coffee), you're sending a terrible message. It's subtle, but it's definitely something observant individuals like myself pick up on real quick. You're telling everyone there that you're tired. You're so tired that you needed a trademarked pick-me-up to put on display so everyone knows it. Are you tired because you, "didn't want to have to wake up this early," or you, "didn't get to sleep in on a weekend," or something to that effect? That's too damn bad. You're selfish for needing to make that feeling public. How about we make a deal: right after I piss on the cowboy hat ashes, I'll top off your beverage for you...sound good? No? That's what I thought.
The next two things that I need to mention are exponentially worse than what I've already discussed. These center mostly on what people say rather than their appearance. Certain things will be talked about at wakes and funerals, mostly about great times and stories about the loved one everybody lost. One thing that will inevitably be mentioned is what your relation to the deceased happens to be. Most people already know who the immediate family is, and many of the friends are known as well, but there are plenty of instances that neither are known by those attending. Let me just put it this way: this is not a popularity contest. Nobody is going to win a prize or receive a certificate for being their closest friend or family member. There is no reason to impress anyone with their closeness to that person.
- "I'm her brother, but we were like best friends in high school. We had all the same friends and we spoke all the time."
- "I'm his cousin, and we're the same age, so we hung out all time time and played on the same baseball teams together."
- "I'm her best friend, even though we haven't spoken for nearly thirty years. We had a major falling out, but we patched things up just days before she died, and it was like we never lost that time apart."
- "I went to school with him for one semester, but we were inseparable...aside from the rest of our lives in which we were physically separated of course, but that doesn't matter...I loved that guy."
There's only one thing I witnessed/overheard that makes the aforementioned seem mild at best. It's sickening that it even becomes a discussion at all, but to be done in front of the deceased is just atrocious. It's hard for me to even say that one small moment of humor about this subject is even remotely okay to say. What is it? Inheritance. Holy shit, people...I don't care if the person died with over a billion dollars in their bank account, the funeral home is certainly not the place to talk about who and what is on that person's will. It's obvious that when a certain few people make that a main topic at an event like that, they're only there for one reason: greed. Many times, that person hasn't been without a pulse for 48 hours, yet you find it necessary to discuss what items and belongings you would like to claim because in some way, you feel that you deserve them or you have the mindset that they already belong to you. Some of these people make me even wonder if there are items placed in the casket with the deceased that they are contemplating taking for themselves. Here's what I have to say to people like this: go fuck yourself! You all seem to be doing quite well before this person passed away, well enough that you don't need handouts from your so-called loved one. Anything extra that you can claim will make you that much better off, obviously. Well that'll do you a lot of good when you die. Yea, that's right...you're going to die too. It's inevitable. So enjoy that shit while you last, you selfish pricks. Speaking of your death...how horrible would it be to know that when you die, your family and friends are discussing what they're going to get from you when you croak? Sure, the argument, "What do I care? I'll be dead, right?" still exists, but that doesn't change the fact that there are many people just like you who will show you just as little or even less respect when you die. When it comes to inheritance, I can honestly say that I'd give every penny back to have any important person back in my life. No object or dollar amount can compare to still having that person in my life. We all know you want things from them, and nobody cares.
I guess that's the real problem nowadays: nobody cares. No one cares about being respectful anymore, it's all about self-service. That's it. It's pathetic, and the offenders should be ashamed. As you can see, I don't have any pictures or humorous additions to this post, but a lot of this stuff struck me real deep. Think about these things the next time you lose someone. You'll always have tangible things. You can never get your loved ones back. That's why I say show some respect. They deserve it.
D.
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