Left to right: Guido, Guidette, Guido, Guidette, Guido, A Mutant Cabbage Patch Doll, Guidette, Guido
First we'll talk about tolls. The three most frequently used highways in the state (Jersey Turnpike, Garden State Parkway, Atlantic City Expressway) are all toll roads. What I mean by this is there are not only tolls to get on to these highways, but also to exit them...at every possible exit!! Jersey forces everyone, including their own residents, to pay tolls nearly any time they need to go anywhere. Be thankful that you don't live in a state that a 15 mile drive could cost you more than just gas money. You could take tons of side roads to avoid them, but who the hell wants to put in all that effort? I just stay away, period. As for the money itself, think about the millions upon millions of dollars the state is drawing in. Then think...where the hell is it going? It sure isn't going toward road work, education or general cleaning, considering the road conditions suck, the people are still stupid, and it still stinks of hot garbage.
"No sir, you pay the toll like everyone else...so that'll be 3 dollars and 10% of your soul..."
Next, traffic circles. Everyone is familiar with them, and it's highly likely everyone hates them. They are a pointless obstruction to our destination in this modern world. I'll let you read up on these abominations if you so choose. Someone once told me it was a military strategy, where an enemy would be forced to circle around some 'unnecessary' statue, fountain, or other object, and waiting for them on the other side would be the good guys with lots of guns and stuff. Seemed pretty rational, except traffic circles were made by a Frenchman, and as we all know, 'France' and 'military strategy' are a contradiction in terms. It is said they were made to make traffic safer. Really? Maybe when there were horse-and-buggies, not these lunatics in Corollas and Civics that have no concept of merging...or even the concept of other people on the road. A simple two-road, multi-lane intersection with a traffic light that works shall do just fine. Even if there is a wonderful statue in the center of this thing, it's not like you get to enjoy looking at it, especially when some jackass is about to cut across three lanes of traffic in front of you because he's about to miss his outlet and it would kill him to spend another 30 seconds circling around. I wouldn't want to spend the extra 30 seconds in there either, but instead, I avoid them altogether if I can.
In a government cover-up, this was once actually a crop circle.
There's not much to cover on the driving capabilities (or lack thereof) of these people. I don't know whether to blame the drivers themselves or the people responsible for teaching them. So I blame both. I have concluded that the only people that are less capable of safely commuting from point A to point B are Maryland drivers. You don't believe me? Go for a ride on 95 near Baltimore or the outskirts of D.C. I dare you. There is no middle-ground with these people on the road. They either go 85 in a 65 or 50 in a 65. That, and it must be illegal in New Jersey to have functional turn signals. On the rarest of occasions that I do witness a blinking light on a lane change, it's usually for a split second right before they cut you off to avoid rear-ending an 18-wheeler. If only the trucker would test his breaks unexpectedly...hmmm.
That text says "Hey bro i can txt im only drivng 4 anotehr hr or so..."as he plows into a guardrail.
Now, on to Jersey Shore. I am going to keep this brief, because I could see a lengthy future post on these oxygen thieves. The only thing I can say that would be a compliment to this cast of characters is that MTV proved that you can't even find 8 people in the entire state of New Jersey more entertaining than these wastes of life, so they had to recruit from their much cooler northern neighbor. Considering New York had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for them, you hopefully get my point here. Why do Americans watch this trash? Some say they are actually funny people. Others argue they are so stupid, you can't help but watch and laugh at them. Another group believes these people are intriguing and interesting. Personally, America...it's sad to say you fell for it, once again. The Real World, Road Rules...MTV has been churning out garbage television for over twenty years now (which was about the time they forgot what the 'M' in MTV stood for), and yet people can't wait until the next episode of these dirty skanks and their greasy male companions and the havoc they can reek in that filthy wasteland. New York's average I.Q. went up about 12 points when they were shipped off to the black abyss, and that is all we have to be thankful for, as far as I'm concerned.
"Snooki want mush-mush!!"
There you have it. New Jersey...you are responsible for that. Go clean up your mess.
D.
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