Friendship Equity

I dare you to question these men about their friendship equity.

Friendship equity is a tough concept to process. It was introduced to a close friend and I by someone we used to rely on, trust and live with. He caught us totally off guard when he said it, and to this day, it's still based on what we were left to surmise what he meant. Here's the story...

About 3.5 years ago, two friends (who will be referred to as E-dog and Willy) and I moved into an apartment together just a mile from the beach. The entire first year went by with no hiccups. Super Bowl XLIII came along, Roethlisberger found Satonio Holmes in the end zone to crush Kurt Warner's dreams, and life went on. The next weekend was the beginning of the end of a great living situation though. It all began with a one-night stand. E-dog and I were lounging in the living room on a Sunday morning as Willy was escorting a female out of the apartment in a definite walk of shame. I had no idea who she was, but it was apparent E-dog did. We were forced to spend more and more time around this girl from that day forward.

It was an everyday basis that we saw this girl, and soon enough, her two year old made more frequent appearances. Only two weeks passed, and we had enough. Enough of the screaming kid, the abuse of our hospitality and the overuse of our space, food, and utilities. We confronted Willy and asked him to scale it back a bit and try to have a better control of the situation. He promised to make a better effort. A week later, things were worse, a crib was moved into his room and we needed to have another sit-down. He was less receptive and it was suggested that he move out. Although improbable, things got even more unbearable. A third huddle was needed, and this is where poo flew. We expressed our concerns and thoughts, and that's when the phrase was delivered.

"I figured you guys would understand, and that I had built up enough friendship equity that this wouldn't be a problem."

Before I go on my rant about friendship equity, I'll summarize by saying we asked him to move out, he did, and we carried on our separate ways. Ok, so that got us to thinking...what exactly is friendship equity? Let's break it down. Friendship and equity. If you don't already know what friendship is, you live an extremely sad life. As for equity, the context is pretty crucial in understanding the meaning. When you talk about building up equity, it no longer implies simply being fair. The building up he referred to is something he created in his own mind. He needed to justify his actions in his head, and then translate that to us. So he came up with some sort of system of keeping track of said equity. Building equity is a financial phrase. Building it up is another way of saying 'increasing its value'.

If I am to build up friendship equity, I would like the bills to be extra huge.

So I wonder...how does one increase the value of their friendship? Is it possible that dependent on how reliable, honest and trustworthy you are, the more your equity goes up? It's difficult for me to put a number on any certain level of reliability and honesty, which are key ingredients in the trust recipe. We relied on Willy to be honest with us, so what does that say? No, I believe it's much more than that. I think along with the general outlook on our friendships, other things were being kept track of. Things like personal favors; going out of your way to do something for someone else. Maybe if someone pays for drinks on a certain night, their equity goes up. Perhaps dropping everything for your friend(s) in a dire time of need is considered. One particular instance could prove the latter to be false, but that would be too long of a story for tonight's post. Summed up, a bunch of my friends, E-dog and Willy included, went to a NASCAR race one evening. Willy's girlfriend drove everyone there. They fight, she leaves, my friends are stranded 2+ hours from home. No hesitation, I drive out there, pick them up, then drive right back home. I would have thought my equity spiked on that night, but that was quickly forgotten when we were being taken to school on friendship economics.

Our other thought was a step further than that. So let's say we have some sort of system going where we're keeping track of this crap. First off, why weren't we made aware of this earlier on? Maybe we want to participate, considering we are/were friends after all, right? Then I want to know when I can cash it in. It must be like when we were kids collecting tickets at a Chuck E Cheese. What sort of things are eligible for this type of currency? Does it carry any actual monetary value? Or is it sort of like a coupon at the store? I can't just say that I don't want to pay this month's rent because I've been an extra super awesome friend for the past year and I'm owed that much. Or can I?

Fresh out of those extra huge bills? I guess we'll settle for this instead :-(

Finally and most importantly, the thing that even to this day E-dog and I can not wrap our heads around is this: what made him think that putting us through the misery of having our calm, comfortable living situation turned upside down and awry, that it was even by any stretch of the imagination? There was no discussion about him moving her in. There was no discussion about that including a young child. Yet it was expected of us to simply roll with it and understand. I don't know about you, but I can't even begin to put my confusion and shock into words.

So there you have it. Friendship equity. Think about that concept the next time you do someone a favor or vice versa. You never know...they may be keeping track. Brush up on your math and get your spreadsheets ready...it's time to build up that equity.

Booyah.

D.