7.28.2012

'Step Up'...please step down.


It has been a long time since I have seen a movie advertised this much during commercial breaks of practically anything I have watched in the last couple weeks. I will start off by saying that I never had any interest in seeing a single moment of these movies, so I will admit there is some bitterness laced in with my commentary to follow.


Step Up Revolution is the fourth of a series of these dance movies to come out. One thing you can derive from this fact is that any movie series is made because of a certain following. In this case, it's break dancing and just a general appreciation of dance and choreography as a whole. With this in mind, I will not be naive or ignorant enough to deny these dancers' talent. Would you like to know why I don't dance? It's because I can't. I suck at it. Badly. If a bad dancer has two left feet, then I must have two broken ones. So I rarely try. I will also put it out there that, yes, I am jealous that they are making so much money, much like any other person making millions of dollars. Everybody making a substandard wage should be jealous of that sort of income, so it's not like I'm in the minority there.


With that said...


Are you f'n serious? I mean...given I've been subjected to the 30 second trailer about 50 times in the past 10-15 days. That's an estimated 25 full minutes that I could be spending my time doing something more productive: clipping my toenails, trying to follow a single fan blade with my eyes as it spins at full speed, counting the threads on a nearby blanket, you know...that sort of stuff. Based solely on this trailer, I will give a detailed breakdown of why this could be not only one of the worst movies of the year, why it could be the worst of the series (without even having to see any of the first three), but also why you should not spend your hard-earned money on the hope that it would be worth more than $10 a ticket.


The most frequent complaint I have heard about movie trailers is that some of the most memorable scenes/lines are delivered to the general public by way of these trailers before the movie is even released. Then you go see the movie, and you come out thinking that half of the good parts were spoiled thanks to a commercial break from whatever you were watching at the time. Whether it's a witty one-liner from a comedy, a sudden shock-value moment from a horror flick, or a major explosion/fight sequence from an action film, you feel slightly robbed of the element of surprise when it happens in the theater. A major reason you feel this way is because these moments have some legitimate quality/meaning to the movie. It makes sense that they would though. These studios need to sell you on wanting to go see it, so they have to show you some 'teaser' moments, so to speak. If they showed you 30 seconds of bad lines and a background voice telling you when it's coming out, you wouldn't want to see it.


The reason I mention all of this is because the trailer for Step Up Revolution could easily be the worst of it's kind in order to attract more moviegoers. It's quite evident that when you cast for a movie that is structured around dancing and overrated pop music, the acting talent takes a back seat. The back seat of a school bus. We're talking way down at the bottom of the list of priorities. Personally I can't sit through a movie where I can't buy into the character because they are incapable of delivering a single believable line. The only words spoken on this trailer seemed like they were being read off a teleprompter. Better yet, it was comparable to one of those local law office commercials where you can see their eyes following the lines and they speak at a near monotone level. I can't imagine the first three movies of this series were acted out any better, but this showed an obvious absence of concern in that department.


As for the dancing, once again, it requires a lot of talent to do what they do. Honestly, what is the appeal of 99 minutes of exactly that? That it didn't hit triple digits for runtime? Possibly. Really though, dance moves can only vary so much, and it mostly has to do with the pace and flow of the song itself. With that in mind, I have come up with a theory of sorts. A movie centered around dancing, most sequences likely lasting the entirety of each song, my guess is there is a deal struck up between the producers and the artists of the songs in which they profit more for soundtrack sales in the hopes that their own records see a spike in sales. My blog, my theory.


Production value is also something to consider. How much money goes into closing off a few busy streets and a few cars with hydraulics? They will have made their money back if they manage to sell out a 150 seat theater. Obviously I'm exaggerating, but it's no wonder they profit no matter what. When your producers toss in pocket change and fool a portion of the general public into thinking it could be a good movie, of course they will obliterate their film budget. If you think that's worth the already overpriced ticket, be my guest. I'll gladly pass.


I challenge you to find a movie that has been promoted this much, yet has no promise of being any good, to trump this one as far as being a total box office failure. The numbers may not suggest that when they quadruple their budget, but that would still just be a drop in the bucket for a motion picture. Give me some feedback, I'm curious to find out if I'm the only one who feels this way.


Signing out.


D.

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